March 30th Entry Twenty Five

Kai had burns,
Dean is angry at me,

why?

I did what I did back at the old bar....
..I would preform surgery on...MYSELF, and nobody would give a shit.
I do it in a fancy Junon bar, Dean and his mother who's inhabiting his brain ge-..

...what did I just write?

the more I look back I keep wondering why I write down all this trivial information?
...girls my age are...what? going to college?
haveing boyfriends? working menial jobs. not careing about killing?

I'm insensitive. i'm unkind...I do what I have to...to survive.
why did I instinctively try to help Kai?

...he was fine...

..i'm not his damn mother...

Dean overeacted. how does he want everything to be so damn perfect?

does he actually think there's no hazard in things being too clean?
you get too soft and aren't able to handle toxic life.
NOBODY in the bar has died yet. sure they've ordered strong drinks,
but those were police rookies. they can handle being knocked off their feet.
...."Are you trying to get us shut down?"

....Azure and Yuge let me do whatever I damn wanted when I worked in the bar back in Midgar...but back then they were different man and I just didn't have to give a shit. I was a rookie to their eyes. nothing harmful.

....now we're upstanding citizens in a military city...

scary...scary...
I do what's best for the bar not what's best for who owns it.
I get fired. there's no problem...I'll go back to searching......
and give up this charade...Souma is my only concern...

I have to finish these suits.