[The handwriteing appeared to be very teenage. girlish. cute. with hearts over the I's and all that fancy crap]

Oh Dear...this is Yulia!

Ekiri told- er gestured. to me that she wanted me to write down something on this page while I'm walk-

*A long black pen streak goes down the page. ICly Yulia tripped not paying attention where she was going*

Well shoot! my boots are scuffed. but there's a weird thing near the Alton Plaza enterance down the tunnel is blocked off. there are MP's watching it so I better not get too close!

On my way there I saw a really cute blonde guy in a...didn't look like a MP outfit?
I dunno...all I know is he was cute!! <3

Okay soooo Mr. Kai is nowhere to be seen stalking meee....
no weirdos....no weird rapist women!
Ooh! the grocery store got in some new fresh produce! maybe some carrots and oranges would help Ekiri be happy and sunny like me. instead of depressed and...depressing!
D<

SERIOUSLY Ekiri just stop mopeing around the hideout! so you can't speak well and you keep walking into walls! it brings smiles to our faces so why can't it make you smile too!?

I know Aoi said no caffine or alchohol or sugar but maybe I could bring Ekiri a coffee too!

To be continueeeddd! <3<3<3<3!

[Teardrops would scatter the page. and the writeing seemed like she wasn't even looking at the page. or could hardly hold a pen]

Why do people trust me with their lives?
...all I do is betray them....run away...
do things by myself...
a thief ... a whore.. a liar...
do they see me as something besides those things?
...I can barely run the bar. all I do is run away and make excuses...

....is the reason Kai hasn't been around because he's been watching me?
because he read my journal...he's afraid that I can't do anything?
I'm such a kid...I don't know what I want...I know what I have to do but I can't do it! I can't do it fast enough....or good enough!

....I shouldn't be doing this. going after Bahram.
he has better informants then I do. I reeceived a letter earlier straight from him.
trying to dismay me. saying he would be on the footledges outside of Kalm. and to expect one hell of an ambush if I come with anyone else. the cliche villan line.
something my Mother expected every sparring she had with him. over the top or not at all. this was Bahram. if he's against me I should expect the worst. maybe being a 90 pound girl would throw him off guard. even worse. looking like my Mother.
would he be wise enough to see past the guise? does he know she's dead?
all the letter revealed to me.
was that he was getting impatient. and wanted this to be over.

I think...even if I shouldn't. I need this.
this constant fighting, standing still just makes me agitated...
Kai likes it when I don't smell like blood.....well too bad.
by the time these suits are finished i'll be more then drenched in it.

this is just one stop....one stop to getting what I need....what I desire more then anything else in the world...

Maybe I have a reason to stay awake after all.

an interesting name showed up when I was going through the bounties Force's information specialist's gathered when they were making their rounds;
Bahram Ulmecha.

in my Mother's Journal he was praised as her mentor.
but that was more than twenty years ago. in this time period he may very well be one of the most wanted men in the world. as the rumor stands nobody has come back after going to find him. so that means he either disueded their spirit to fight. or killed them. he may no longer be with the mercenary troupe my parents were with, but if he was everything my Mother wrote about, he has more then enough guardians to watch his back into old age. I'll have to contact the contracter of this bounty and see if these numbers are real. my mother's aly or not, the money in this bounty would put me at ease for the greater portion of this year. above all else...I could continue my medical studies. in case Ed or Kai got injured again...

On the subject of Ed...I'm growing more concerned if he's alright or not.
it's been a while but I hope he's taking it easy. because I hadn't worked on scaled Sub-human's before I didn't know how to treat the wound properly..but I tried with what human anatomy I knew...it wasn't too different but..with the bounty payment. I could attain greater medical information then I ever had.

but I know.
with the higher the bounty.
The higher the death toll.
The higher number of people who haven't come back after attempting it.
The lower the chance I have of comeing back unwounded.

I'll ask Yulia to check in on the bar often if I'm gone for long,
and make sure to let Cole know. and Kai if he's around....
last time I saw Kai....maybe he's just too busy....
I wonder...what Kai wants to do with his life...
I've never really talked to him about it...
then again I never wanted to force him to talk about it.
...why he always keeps checking his pocket watch...ever since I met him.

On the thirteenth there was an explosion. in the warehouse district below the bar.
....I was really stubborn...and arrogant to the police officers as always...

"I'll stay with my bar."
"Go help other civillians."

....probably wasn't all that professional...
but I had alot on my mind...Three weeks to go..until...maybe.
that white haired guy who tackled me and took the brunt of a shelf falling....
his weight....his forearms...they reminded me..

...no I guess in this day it's not odd for two people to be similiar...
I mean he's as active as...that guy is I guess...their hair looks similiar...
I haven't seen Kai in a while...maybe i'm just tired. but I needed to hire another employee. so I did. he's clumsy....a wuss. keeps falling over when the floor's dry.
panics at the first sight of a MP ID scan patrol.

...but then again I did the same thing.
just looking at this guy...makes me think of something I'd want to protect.
I need to negate these feelings....too soon to have these feelings stir up again.
am I feeling lonely and sorry for myself again?
I haven't seen Ed nor Kai in the longest of times....Six Yuge and Kashido even longer...who's dead this time?

I just want to go back to sleep.

[Alot of scratched and erased pencil marks lie on this page]

As I try to write something I never quite notice how much or fast time passes, I trust the other bartenders know what to do when I'm not around...much less to a full on ShinRa barrage that just walked past. I'm still being careful...wouldn't be pretty if they checked records, though maybe that Turk burned them...covering his tracks.

Makes me think of two years ago, when the ShinRa patrols increased, frisks were mandatory in the slums especially if someone was on the loose. half the time it was just......nah. best left forgotten, I've put that behind me now.

doesn't mean MP's make me feel any better....not to mention that guy, haven't seen him in a while...I still don't believe him...why would've Souma gone for a guy like that? some mysteries weren't meant to be solved I guess....

I've been overworking again...been sick to my stomach. had to have surgery done to my left upper arm again since the sensors are beginning to malfunction for my forearm. uncomfortable while sleeping...or trying to sleep. but the pain is good, it tells me I'm alive. it keeps me awake. and makes sure I get the job done so I can come back.

the fog was...pretty bad for the past while in Sector 2. haven't been taking my medication at all these past few weeks...I've been trying to quit it...but it's making me paranoid. scared. of everything that moves. anyone that gets close to me...it makes me remember...seeing things I shouldn't see anymore. Aoi keeps telling me I don't have a choice but to take the medication with how I work...and how far my stress disorders have become a roller coaster of unpredictability since early last year.

I hate being sleepy.
It's a horrible...horrible feeling.

[A very smudgey blurry white pencil drawing would be here, indicating she did it really fast from memory hence the bad quality]


It's always good to meet new faces, and to see Alon again.
he got into a fight with Rebels....I wondered...who he got into a fight with.
I felt like a older sister nagging a younger brother to be more careful.
Mr Vollified knows how to be careful...after all he's....he's a..guess I don't remember anymore since the first times I met him, checked his wallet once when he needed a wound stitched up, needed to know where to put him...and found out he was ShinRa...and that was that.

after Mr. Vollified left for the evening I met a man named Haine. seemed to like the hard drinks I'll have to remember that. the man was from Nibelhiem. same as my Aunt and Uncle. I told him I stopped by at nightfall a long time ago, which wasn't completely untrue....yet it was just to deliver bad news. timezones are a bitch for halfway around the world....

still waiting for a chance to talk to Force...maybe he just doesn't want me to Bounty Hunt anymore. last thing that got shouted at me before I left for the bar again was "Get a fucking hobby!"
. . . . probably one of Forces workers shouted that, I wouldn't be surprised if it was Force I just left quick enough, It'll still be a while until I can put together the second suit for testing. the dyes are setting nicely but the fraying is driveing me nuts. as is the materials.

speaking of work, while I was doing number analysis one of Force's data management...or program creators....what does he do? I know I've seen him at Junon before...probably does a bit of everything...smart guy. he showed me a weird video with a guy repeating himself and screaming over a dead broad....something about coups. do people really make those videos in-...

I don't have a right to express my opinion on that with what I've done on video.
but one word caught my eye, Ironic enough "Hi-Ris" or...."Eye-Ris"
might be a good tagger name....hell even "Hi-Rez" might be a good name,
High Resolution.

Time isn't going to wait...this is going to be fun.
----------

[Written hours later]

Sector 2 is covered in fog. it doesn't make sense....the fog usually stayed in the Asylum district. what's going on?

Lovely. first time in months I need to talk to Force about something serious and he's pretended he's gone deaf to my nonchalant nagging after the mention "Price is right" is on. on the third day I kicked his chair over while he was sitting in it just to make sure someone didn't shoot him in the head. I was disapointed to find out he was not in fact suffering hemrogeing and went to the bar.

The bar. it's been quiet, I don't trust any of the recent applicants for bartenders. i'm probably being paranoid, though one less chance i'll be sued for endangering employees by way of them being kidnapped or bludgeoned by mercs, the better.

along those feelings are more unsettling feelings that keep returning. I feel like I am a overwatching father and the bar is my daughter, I don't want any bartenders filling her head full of frivelous ideas and suddenly her becomeing a trendy corner prostitution ring. I had enough of an unsettling time seeing my other daughter....enough of that. the other bar I worked at be turned into a sty of frivolous transvestites. I mean....it was like that before I worked there and even as I worked there. but it was a CLASSY sty of frivolous transvestites.

Maybe i'll raise the subject of bartending to Ed and Kai again if I can get them both together for longer then five minutes. I know Kai's been busting me about wanting to have a decent stable job...and i've seen Ed with an Echo bar application once or twice, though he hasn't said anything about it...at least not to me. or has he? ....I'm afraid I haven't been a very good bar manager..guess some would say i'm too inexperienced for my age but I put on a good show and that's what matters, doesn't it?

My leg feels better then it has in a long while.
trying to forget the events of nights past.

We both got what we wanted out of it..
I'll let it go for now and just stop suggesting it.
...makes me feel like an older woman....it's disgusting...it's like my stepmother..

.......
..

I want to go back to bounty hunting. I need to talk to Force Tomorrow.
...I want to smell like blood again. it makes things quiet. happy.