Was I drunk when I wrote that last page?
I thought I had stopped writeing depressing shit like that.

oh well.


Junon has shitty sushi vendors.

Not that Midgar's any different, something about it's just disgusting but for the past few months I've been having a seafood fit, only thing these vendors do good is live octopus chow mein noodles and honey garlic pork.

....stupid thing about being twenty now is that all my weight goes to my ass and thighs. why do I care? manuverability. the drugs and alchohol actually helped keep weight off and the edge off...now without them I find myself in the irritating position of many young women, even if I don't see myself as a young woman;
more like old hag.

That idiot....I was so worried.

....why am I scared? why am I afraid? I should be stronger than this....

I want to be more careless. I don't want to worry...but when it comes to Kai I can't help it...that's how it's always been.

My existance has been very fragile, and I sometimes wonder if I truly exist,
or am just a materialized figmint of someones imagination.

the first time I went back to Gongaga in eight years, I found a grave with my name on it. my given name...real name. since then, I've wondered if I hold meaning...because I can't give myself meaning...only others can.

If I lose all meaning again maybe I could become a ghost....

A ghost called Vengence...

blood can only be repaid in blood.

Junon's in peices. getting better,
...though I'm not.

I got a message from Kai, it's a problem...
wherever he is...it's incredibly dusty...something falling...he can't see out of one eye, something landed on someone he was with, what did that phone message mean?