[This page seems to be written very cursively, or in very neat longhand]

Ekiri.
I truely want to know what you were thinking.
when you dragged yourself to me and asked me..or write on a peice of paper...
to look at scars...scars you told me never to remove or you'd remove my limbs?

on top of that to fix them. you were so prideful of them, no matter how painful...
I am angry that you didn't take proper care of yourself when your leg was broken.
and even before that the self-mistreating of your wounds knew no bounds.

To see the young woman who endured so much for us, suddenly go so very dead...
we may not always like what you do, but this is becomeing an incredible moral loss.
when you can speak, please. at least speak to Force. if not me or Yulia.

what exactly happend in the near-week that you went missing?
what brought about this change?

some scars wont disapear Ekiri...

do you truly want to forget everything?

-Aoi Jay

[Ekiri's handwriteing is absolutely shit horrible. worse then ever before it'd be surpriseing if even she could make it out later :V ]


...why?

...why did he save me?


...he broke his collarbone...
his arms were dislocated...his jaw....

...he could have found a better medic....
..everyone always does...

why does he do this..?

...because he knows I'd drop everything to help him?
no matter how stupid everyone else sees it..

hurts...
everything...
my skin is burning...

I need....to get us away...my voice...I can't use it...

h-how did....Kai know..I was there?

it wasn't...any different then...me being missing....

who told him?

why....

why..

I want to forget...

forget everything...

never...again....never see them again...

that cell...the cage....the chains...the nails....

my skin being torn off..

..not again...

..never again....

...I should burn you....

...never exist again..

Confiscated by Rai Yuudai and Darrel The Turk :>

Tao....Freyja....Chitose....

...men....women..children...

in the last two years....in the last ten years....

Have I changed?

...I've become more focused....

...but since that day...my blood keeps running cold...anytime anyone gets close to me. it's not comfortable for me....I give in...just to get it over with....

sleeping under a pile of corpses...

people i've murdered....mutated...

and only three....could be classified as something ShinRa...or their coleigues would look at me with distain about...if they actually knew...

...I've been good about covering up my tracks...what I've learned from Kai when we traveled together.... how to make myself invisible...get just enough interest...

.....I wont let ShinRa catch me...not again....

...I can't afford to be caught now.


I don't want to remember that white hallway....
....that SOLDIER....

....the feeling...of absolute dispair...

a slap on the wrist is one thing...but what I've done...

...anyone with a sense of morality wouldn't set me to prison...

...do they have anywhere worse here?


I need this off my mind...maybe I'll go get some flowers for Souma.

I'm being paranoid...that's all it is....

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....back at the hideout working on the suits.
told Aoi to be quiet and locked myself in my room all day...

the only one to stop by after unlocking the door was Force.
he didn't complain but he just asked me if I was happy about what I've done to myself. ..I asked if something was wrong with the employees if I was messing with them, I didn't look at him and I think that was pissing him off, nearly tipped the chair over trying to get me to look at him.

he said the employees were fine. all he was worried about...was the thing in my room that kept making noises....a part of me..gargling and trying to exist...it's not ready to exist....yet it does, part of the reason I've told Force I'm soundproofing my room. if that thing learns to cry...I don't want anyone to hear it.

....maybe starring at the black pit of my eye cooled him off. I've told him time and time again...I do what I have to do. what I had to do...

just like back when I met him and his crew...we were prisoners to men...men who gave not a second thought to throwing a pregnant woman to the floor and crunching their boot down upon her unborn child. whenever I close my eye....I can still remember being pushed to help them back up...back to health....back to what health?

the women there were beaten to an inch of their lives...and before I could let them rest three days...one guy would be in heat, next day we were digging graves...

....I was spared from that...because I knew how to mend wounds...
guess I can thank Yuge, Kashido and Vondred for that....if I wasn't a half assed doctor...if I didn't have the push to go further then basic medical aid. my womb would be alot more compact then it was before.

though that didn't mean I was spared from most group activities......the smell of that bloody mattress is burned in my sinus's...

....a few bar regulars told me I should see the Junon ShinRa Clinic about my leg and burn wounds...I just shook my head. ....after two years ago. I would never step into a main ShinRa building again...that second floor....white walls....that SOLDIER...my blood all over the walls....front line fodder...

what is that organization like now?

...are rookies still used like that?

why do I keep seeing him in my mind when I don't want to think about it.....

....it's not like we can go back...

I'll never walk into that bar in Midgar...and see the two SOLDIERS that were greater friends then anyone in that slummed up universe...

the bar in Junon is fine...it's beautiful...

.......

...now I know why Dean frustrates me so much...

....Dean reminds me of Azure.

I've been sleeping normally for the past couple of days...

and it's driveing me completely insane..

nothing....no voices...no forms appearing out of the shadows...
not even Kai. no disfigured faces of those I love...

....has that part of me finally accepted it's boring when I can't fight back?
the swelling in my right leg and left side has gone down....I got hauled back into the office since Force was pissed off at Aoi threatening to cut off the balls of one of our employees if I wasn't back in the medical bay....

...had alot of the dead skin removed from my torso...burned and charred flesh...
even with two other medics on the cure. it was still someone tearing my skin off.
that was at three in the morning...it's getting close to five thirty PM now...

I told Aoi i just needed time to think...the bar is pretty empty....I don't think the customers think too highly of me comeing in injured to do paperwork...but did I ever really care about what they thought as long as they were outerly content?

....though..thinking back....that rabbit...Ora Xia...even for a pervert....and that video game playing guy at the bar that night....kinda made me feel...happy....I didn't think i'd feel like that after breaking my leg...

...if Souma could see me now she'd be lectureing me...or cheering me on about how many guys are hitting on me...she'd say something wild that's for sure...
...would she?...it's been so long...I can't remember what would be true...and what would just be my impressions....

I'll linger at the bar for a few hours more before heading back...
what would Yuge say if he saw me like this?

....somehow I'd guess he'd sigh roll his eyes and lecture me to hell and back. or just turn and punch a wall and yell at me....

I don't ever want to admit this again...
...it's days like these I want to just go to sleep forever...