[A few ink dents show she's been tapping the page for a while before writeing anything]

before I left this morning, Yuge said something inspirational to me...
that I shouldn't keep hideing myself behind makeup,

but...I guess that would be my fault, last time while I was taking off the makeup to cover most of my scars, ...I don't know I got the makeup cleaner somewhere it shouldn't have been and it hurt like a bitch, he heard and came running to me, maybe it made him sick...or more protective of me...I can't read his mind...

when I was a kid, I thought scars made people stronger, the more you had the more powerful you were...I'm weak. and I need to change that...I'm not going to hide anymore, not behind weak excuses. when this child is born, I want him...or her to see, that they can depend on their mother to be as strong as their father.

I'll see...what the bar occupants say, what Dean might say.

I have to be strong...

I will be strong.

I don't have to be afraid anymore, because I know...
sitting around, and doing nothing...
will not bring her back.

....

I'm Pregnant.

I never thought this would happen.
I mean it, this is a physical improbability...

I wonder if I should be laughing or crying,
last month Yuge proposed to me, now i'm pregnant, what's next? quick old age?
Things never stop happening around Yuge, but I'm glad. that means things are never boring, he told me he would love to have a child with me...I was worried, but I didn't let him see me concerned, Regarding Tamio's child, if it looks like Yuge, that's all it is...I feel selfish for even writeing this, but I gave up my first born child to death, so that I could follow Yuge to my eventual breakdown.
in my honest opinion, it takes more balls to kill your unborn child by cutting into yourself when nobody is around, rather than taking the fancy way and just bareing the child to the world and it's ruin.

Enough with that for now,
I thought i'd write this while Yuge was sleeping...heh...
I..er...kinda dressed up for him while he was on the phone reguarding buisness..
man that look on his face...

[A few pen mark indents could suggest she was laughing while writeing]

...I..don't think I'll be able to walk properly for a few days..
..seriously didn't know the extent of ways I could bend, until tonight,
I feel tired, but things should be okay..I trust Yuge, he wont leave me again...
we trust each other, right?

...Happy birthday Yuge, and thank you...for not giveing up on me. <3
I'll gladly, always wake up by your side.