I have missed this feeling.
the feeling I had when I started traveling with him.

I refuse to be swept back up into the charade of these past three years.
no longer will I contradict myself. Return to the basics.

It grows harder to wear a smile. but if I do. even if I force it.
even if I force myself to look happier. it will work out for everyone's benifit.
for the sake of everything we have been working towards....

It's getting colder...

I'm getting worried. is she going to be able to survive the winter?
I have to make sure....I haven't been sleeping at all this week...
I haven't been paying attention to the bar in such a long time...


I want to remember...
I want to forget...
I don't want to care....


I just want to be here.
with him. I don't care how cold it is...
I never did...

December 24th.....

....what will happen?