March 19th Entry Twenty

I should have become a counclier not a bartender.

hah...fat load that would be.

....
......I'm...increasingly worried,
reguarding what Kai has been like over the past few days...
feeling the weight of him against me...crying...
is he scared...?
...he told me that bottling my emotions would drive me crazy...
....I made sure to let him know, i'm well beyond that by now..
...It's not like me to let everything out...I hate women who do that...
who pry, who just fall apart...and yet here I am slowly tearing to peices...
I'd like to tell someone...anyone...about everything...everything I endured last year...to have an outsiders opinion on it...what they see me as now...
but if I tell anyone...I don't think anything will change....maybe they'll be afraid of me. or laugh at me...thinking what i'm saying is fake...everything I've pushed to the back of my mind is coming forwards...and...

....
.......
......... [scribbled over no legible words here followed by the next paragraph]

on another side....Ed.
this will become a grave concern if he turns on me and Kai.
I don't know Kai's entire feelings on this,
but the information on the suit stays between us three.
Ed is becomeing attached to a cat lady.
overall I do intend to believe "Good for him" after all he's been through.
though he appears to have snapped at Kai over the subject of Kai perposely hurting her. where is the evidence of this? I wont get into their personal buisness...
Even though Ed is a dear friend. I don't want to hear of his affectionate kitty spreading rumors about said suit all around. if it comes to that I may just have to make Ed hate me more then he is angry at Kai.

whatever happend between those three, Ed, the cat. and Kai. stays between them.
but this suit. ties into my work. and my work. is of the upmost importance.
I wont tollerate this going to shambles. not today. not tomorrow. never.
I ....swore...I would do anything...
to get this sick son of a bitch.
a knife in his back.
my hands around his throat.

I wont hold back...
everything his men have done to me.
and what he might have done to Souma...even if it was her corpse.

...there will be no mercy to those who get in my way.



Ed.
...You better be smarter then I think you are right now.
I remember his attitude back in Midgar...the pretty ferret...the rabbit.
it was dangerous once their friends showed up. be. fucking. cautious.

if this romance turns dangerous.
as dangerous as then.
I will not pull punches.
if it comes to this.
you had better not pull any either.

life has dealt you a variaty of cards,
getting laid is fine....
haveing a lover is fine....
when it ruins a finely laid plan....

I noticed she had a wound previously on her neck....
was that, why Ed and Kai had a disagreement?

....I would definately like to see how Ed would react if one of her fingers,
hands. arms. limbs...were broken. even a tooth would suffice. to get the message across. it may seem cruel...

but it doesn't matter for now.

I will cross that bridge if I come to it.