July 29th Entry Sixty-Two

...Vondred's back in town..

I felt almost on the verge of tears seeing him again...seeing that photograph again. same old same old...Vondred was my mentor. I looked up to him. two years in Prison did a number on him. his Red hair is black...his tanned skin turned pale...

....is this a drug enduced dream?
if it was the night ended and the morning began with Kai....
I don't know where to begin...guideing a rookie through these things isn't usually what I do...he had all the right moves to make me squirm. you'd think he was a torture expert...maybe I turned him off from the way I built myself up to reject it. especially after my first time two years ago....I'd never forget the smell of a ShinRa uniform after that.

what is Vondred doing now?
maybe i'll have more time to talk to him tomorrow....or the next day...
I'm shaking...why do I feel afraid?

...they keep saying...."keep your humanity"...
I don't...know why i'm trembling....
and it scares me....every time I step outside I have to remember...I'm probably being watched. i'm being hunted...Rassk could be on my heels...

...hell even when Vondred's woman told me he had a message for me,
at first I thought it was from the Black Sun Syndicate....

I need to take this one day at a time....carefully....or else i'll shatter again.