July 16th Entry Fifty-Eight.
Posted by Frostie
Is "I need help" Such a weird thing to hear from me?
....my head was spinning from doing bar paperwork for the past seven days..
I wasn't even drunk when I asked Force if one of his workers was good with numbers, and he just stared at me weirdly then started laughing.
it ended up a few guys and Force overlooking it to help me with the rest of my paperwork...but really i don't think laughing was called for...unless me asking for help was really that funny.
I should call Kai and see if Ed's doing alright-
...Fuck that reminds me I don't think I actually have Kai's correct cell number.
another thing....guess my "Ultimate endurance" wasn't all I thought it was.
I've tried to ignore physical pain for as long as I can remember...and that screwed alot of shit up, guess I noticed...after I fought Kai..or it fought Kai...I don't remember anymore...I could walk...because someone healed me...but the interal damage remained...I didn't even notice when I was walking around base until my legs gave out without notice, I couldn't even push myself up, it felt like all of my nerves were rejecting me. I can walk a bit better now though I've still got a bad limp.
on top of that, today I got a letter from my step brothers, inviteing me to a funeral.
....should I go?
I know perfectly well what will happen.
but still...
[Additional writeing at a later period in time indicated below]
Again! more weird looks when I ask for help, and it was just asking Yulia about something to take my mind off bounties and bar paperwork problems. she suggested I take up "Agressive Inline Skating" once my legs get better. Usually i stay away from those sorts of activities...I get too carried away going so fast when I have to stop i'm always depressed.
theres always road blocks....but i'm trying...trying to change...
I can't afford Kai or Ed frowning at me...angry at me..
if I can find...something to be happy about...if I can make that smile..seem more sincere...Kai wont..be angry at me..-it- wont happen to him...
-teardrops would be scattering on the page-
why is it so hard for me to understand?