April 7th Entry Eighty-One

[Many scratch marks and torn parts of the page indicate Ekiri's redone this entry many times]

These withdrawls are really messing with me, only taking what I need for recovery isn't going as well as I thought it would, my head is still killing me...and the wound on my leg from Rassk's dog is acting up.

the only thing worthwhile these days seems to be waking up to see that Kai is still alive and or isn't dead next to me, just seeing him surprised...or proud of me makes me happy.

I need to talk stratagy with Kai and Ed, and ask what they want to do,
it's been a year since we started the suit project, I've had to spend a great deal of that Year aquireing and making materials as well as inputing the power source.

troubleing work but even more troubleing without a direction.
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[Additonal writeing from that day]

Saw Kashido again, he knew I had been selling my body.
...I don't understand why he cares, his loyalties lie with Yuge, not me.
even if I'm a medic, you can always get another one to repair your wounds.

and Yuge has moved on, I was right....I knew what I saw, it wasn't Neo,
I don't feel remorse for losing him, he was just a tool to prolong my life after all, but what remained after he left is what I care about, my kid....which I still don't know what to do with, not even a year old...Kai hates kids, so it wouldn't work out, but sometimes I imagine what would happen if I had kept the child I was burdened with three years ago from that accident, and that everything might have turned out better...being a ....something mom....I can't state that i'm single because the thought of betraying Kai, or calling it quits isn't even remotely appealing, thinking about it, I wonder if Kai's caught on that the kid isn't quite as aborted from life as I told him it was,

quite problematic.