April 20th Entry Eighty-Seven

Maybe i'm getting over the horizon of these withdrawls.
my dreams and nightmares are still as vivid as ever,
but I am coming to realize that is not a symptom of the withdrawls,
that is the conscience I had suffocated with drugs reminding me constantly that what I had done, was not right.

sometimes feelings are hard to cast off,
I never have felt like myself because I don't understand who I am.
I've always been undercover, working for the wrong people,
or being the replacement for a dead loved one.

Yuge should have been happy with No-Name, instead she's dead.
Kai should have been happy with Souma...instead....

...what proof do I have that she is dead?

except that I can't find her, flimsy rumors and that No-Name abused her,
I want to find her again.
even if it's a deluded search....even if it's futile...
I don't want to do nothing. I don't want to depend on others.

if it hurts, I don't care. I want to wander this earth again.