March 17th Entry Eighty

Compareing to what I wrote last year....
I think I might actually be getting better.

I don't see Souma anymore, I'm not in as much pain as I was before.
I'm not as confused as I was.

maybe seeing her was a figmint of my illusion,
the reason I pushed Yuge and Kai away last year,

I constantly felt like I was being pushed aside for a dead woman,
that's was what I thought, my asumption,
but with Kai I was wrong.

He seems to have made his peace with Souma's disapearance long before I did,
if he hasn't I don't see it in him, or maybe that side of him is just for himself to mull over, it isn't any buisness of mine until he needs to talk about it.

He told me he met my mother, Chitose, Deadman, whatever she is now,
I don't think I care anymore....to me she is dead, but if she bothers Kai, then this woman is my problem as well, I just can't believe it's the woman I killed eleven years ago.


With all of the things I've studied about Kai with every incident, and his habits, It's better to let him have his way for a little bit longer, as for me, I get to go back to being who I was before all this started, past's behind me now, time to look forwards....

getting tough not to hug Kai every five seconds, his girly hair just looks so cute.