May 6th Entry Thirty-Eight
Posted by Frostie
....I should just give up...
...whatever lifestyle i'm trying to acheive...I can't grasp it...
..whatever i'm trying to acomplish...I've failed...haven't I...
Souma wont come back...no matter how many times I see her....
..no matter how many lives I take...it's not enough to bring her back...
...how worthless am I...that I can't cry in front of anyone I care about...
..Yet I can just break down when they walk away...
..Kai's alive...what about Yuge?
....I don't want to sleep ever again...and sometimes I never want to wake up.
I need to make up my mind.
this is one horrible curse...never burden others with your dispair....
always guard your betters from their fears...
when they have no use for you walk away.
All I can do...is write. fight. and bartend.
....I don't feel even vaguely human anymore....
but I promised...
...and Kai will never know of this....
..I will become worse then what he may go through....
so that I can find a way to save him from this.
then he can live a normal life...with a woman best for him.
who can face him with upmost honesty...instead of deadened lies.
until I am alone...
and then...I can continue searching...for her...
only her...the one I've endured so much torture for.
she will never forgive me. not in a million years.
so I'd best prepare for a million years of pain to bring her back.