February 7th Entry Six

Nice and quiet....cleaning blood out of my cellphone...urgh..praying the thing
isn't trashed.

My stepmother is pissed off that I haven't been taking the diet seriously,
had an arguement with her, she slapped me across the face,
What I wouldn't have done if her sons weren't watching....

...what the hell am I thinking.

Liveing...normally, is getting tougher for me,
i'm getting ancy..maybe just because things are slowing down, and giveing me time to think, which isn't a bad thing...but it's not a good thing either.
it's makeing me dwell and regret...I don't do that anymore. not easily.

I...spent this afternoon going on a hike with my stepbrothers and my Father.
...he wont even tell me their names, guess that's up to him....
he wants to forget what I did to his previous family, yet every time he looks at me,
he see's my mother. I'd like to be a older sister to them, but as long as I have blood freshly stained on my hands. Kiona and Lau forbade me from making any further relationship with their children.

heh...returning home for a bit was cute...
er...I mean i'm not even anywhere close to my 2nd trimester, I was loungeing around on the couch and Yuge asked to listen to the baby, of course I tapped him on the head and told him that he probably wouldn't hear anything besides my horribley messed up internal system telling him to bugger off <3

Every day it's getting easier and easier to remove the years of caked on makeup grit and grime from my skin...finding scars and markings I never knew I had...instinctively hideing who I was I guess....

Maybe...no more hideing the scars of the past,
...perhalps just..useing makeup to look...feminin...?

...cute..?

...
[A bunch of frustrated scribbles were at the bottom in incoherency only able to make out one word 'Miss Midgar bullshit' ]