October 23rd Entry Ninetry-Nine

This morning was incredibly long.

waiting for the train that only came into station at morning.
it was so cold...I should have worn a sweater but it was such nice weather today.

saw Kaname again, she seemed much happier.

...but I also ran into Kashido,
there was nobody in the rebellion I felt I could be real with, except Kashido.
when I talked to him I felt like I could be me, not what I was pretending to be.
and he didn't judge me for that, it's the same feeling I get from Kai.

Kashido feels like an older brother at times, he scolds me when I don't take care of myself, and brings himself to my level when i'm losing it to calm me down.

he did that this evening, but I was losing it because it was a long day...
and I thought that Yuge had sent him to spy on me, I'm so paranoid of all this,
what if, what if Yuge sends someone to stalk my every movement?
what if Yuge sends someone to steal Setsuna from me?

....getting back to Force's place, I apologized to him and the rest by bringing back some Kalm speciality pastries I know they liked, I didn't get back there until one PM, it was a hell of a long journey.

Setsuna was crying when I came in, she recognized her mom immidiately and started to giggle and pull at my wig, Kai was dead asleep but that didn't stop him from smearing blood on her forhead, or so Yulia told me.

Setsuna doesn't have to be in an isolation case anymore, Aoi told me early yesterday, her vitals had sorted themselves out, after a year of having to watch her and interact with her in a jar, I can hold her like I did when she was born, she'll be able to grow up normally...as long as nothing else hinders her life.

when Setsuna settled down I went to go find Kai, like he told me on the phone he was asleep, or trying to pretend he was, the moment I laid down next to him he put his arms around me, I could smell the alchohol on his breath but I didn't mind,
he must have been quasi awake..I could hear mumurs of "Hangover city.." coming from him, I just burried my face in his chest and tried to go to sleep.

I was lucky enough to wake up while he was still there,

if I actually cared about Yuge, maybe that's what I found so irritating...
I'd go months, weeks, who knows if we stuck together years without hearing from him.
and then he'd waltz back expecting everything to be fine without so much as a phonecall.

Even if he's drunk, at least Kai tried to communicate with me,
instead of ignoring me for his job...or ignoring me because something was bothering me.

now I need to work on what I can do for him...aside from sexual favors. *Small irrtated face in the corner*