February 24th Entry Seventy Eight

A day after I wrote my last entry.....I was riding with Kai on his new motorcycle...freak was so happy about it,

I saw a shineing glint...it was at that area I found Kai nearly beaten and bruised,
that shining glint was a sniper rifle. i'm sure...it was. someone was pointing a rifle at us. Kai must have noticed, someone shot the tire....shot me....not in the intended spot...I fell. and then black.

when I woke up...I was in an INN. In Midgar.
Albert stopped me from having a panic attack, but that didn't stop me from leaving. he said Kai wanted me out of Junon to make sure I wouldn't go face to face with whoever did it, maybe he thought it was Black Sun...I don't know. I feel light headed...Have since I found out the date. I had a concussion for nearly two months.

Took a walk around Midgar, trying to arrange transportation...Ran into Vollified oddly enough..he was...very clingy...worried, it was creepy. but not unwelcomed with how many men i've pissed off by now. I don't know about Kai....Yuge definately.

stomach line feels weakened, I can't keep food down, I can't keep anything else down...called Force...he was angry...and then dropped the call. he wouldn't tell me about my kid. he told me I was a mess. which wasn't new. but not what I want to hear after being asleep so long.

I'm sitting on the apartment where I severed Yuges arm. Kashido's old apartment.
I got shot in the back trying to get that arm. stealing it from a Shinra supply trolly, those were more free times, when I forgot myself. as Yuge lay bleeding and bandaged on the floor, we'd joke about blowjobs...and I'd protect him.
I like protecting people...
but nobody wants me to now.
it can't be helped...

I'm too selfish right now, no matter where I walk I see ghosts.
I think I saw Neo, I hadn't seen him since..old AVALANCHE. red hair. ponytail..
I knew better than to reach out. AVALANCHE isn't my family.
it never was my family. it was my lifeline until Kai came for me.
and now my lifeline...is the bar.
I can't see my child. I can't see my.....

what is Kai to me?
what am I to him?

....we're partners right?
..we fight...right?

...we're just...

I don't know.

my head hurts.