January 31st Second Entry

[A few ink dents show she's been tapping the page for a while before writeing anything]

before I left this morning, Yuge said something inspirational to me...
that I shouldn't keep hideing myself behind makeup,

but...I guess that would be my fault, last time while I was taking off the makeup to cover most of my scars, ...I don't know I got the makeup cleaner somewhere it shouldn't have been and it hurt like a bitch, he heard and came running to me, maybe it made him sick...or more protective of me...I can't read his mind...

when I was a kid, I thought scars made people stronger, the more you had the more powerful you were...I'm weak. and I need to change that...I'm not going to hide anymore, not behind weak excuses. when this child is born, I want him...or her to see, that they can depend on their mother to be as strong as their father.

I'll see...what the bar occupants say, what Dean might say.

I have to be strong...

I will be strong.

I don't have to be afraid anymore, because I know...
sitting around, and doing nothing...
will not bring her back.